And we’re off! Tinder date numero dos! Conversation with The Awkward Veterinarian was interesting, to say the least. He was a big jokester who never gave me real answers, just funny fake ones. I asked what he did for a living, he said he was a porn star and part-time snake charmer. I asked what we would do for our first date, he said play four square, and put money into parking meters and watch the time run out. They were pretty odd responses but I do like to laugh so I figured hey, why not? This guy sounds like he’ll be pretty entertaining!
We finally agreed upon a more grown up date involving a nice restaurant and a glass of wine rather than a middle school and a bouncy ball. He wanted me to drive all the way to his neck of the woods in Santa Monica on a weeknight. If you are at all familiar with the South Bay, then you know how far that is from Redondo Beach, especially on a Monday night at 8 p.m. I tried to get him to come closer to my area so I didn’t have to drive so far considering I had work early the next morning, but the most he would agree to was Marina del Rey. It’s better than nothing, I suppose. Call me old fashioned but I feel like the guy should come to the girl the first date. I’m all for equality and heading to them the next time around.
I got to the restaurant first and sat at the bar with a glass of water. He lets me know he should be there in a few minutes because he lives so close. Turns out I did come to him after all. He lived so close he could WALK to the restaurant. Unbelievable. He walks in and, considering my last date, I was pleasantly surprised at how similar he looked to his photos. Can I get a hallelujah!? Okay wait, don’t get too excited actually. Sit back down. Get your hands out of the air. Much better. Now keep reading…
As much as I was overjoyed by the fact that this guy wasn’t one to give false impressions, I was underjoyed to find that his personality and mine just did not click. We both realized he had joked around so much we didn’t actually know anything about each other. I found out he is a veterinarian by day and a DJ by night. He grew up in boarding schools on the East Coast and is originally from Jersey. It didn’t take long before the jokes were back. Over time it became clear his comedic act was a little more nerdy and awkward than it appeared over text. I found myself not really laughing at all the entire time and sort of just trying to figure out an excuse to leave. Unfortunately leaving right away wasn’t going to be possible considering he ordered sweet potato fries and an entire bottle of wine for us to share. Unlike him I had a long drive home, so an entire bottle of wine was a bit much.
I tried my best to seem uninterested without being rude and eventually I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was getting later and later and this guy was on a roll with stories. Luckily I had already told him when we were planning the date that it was going to have to be an early night for me, so I used the “it’s getting pretty late” card to get out of the rest of this date. Really and truly if I’m not interested, not only do I not want to waste my time, but I especially don’t want to waste his. The longer I stay, the more interested he thinks I am. Apparently I waited a little too long to end the night.
He walked me back to my car and looked like he wanted to kiss me, but he had no choice but to kiss my cheek when I gave him the awkward side hug goodbye and said, “Alright, well, see ya later!” Before I could turn to get into my car, he stops me and says, “Do you mind if I kiss you goodnight?” NOOOOOOOO!!! How did this guy actually think I wanted to kiss him?! I stayed distant, didn’t flirt, tried keeping the conversation as neutral and unexciting as possible, and yet here we are. I even tried splitting the bill AND telling him I didn’t need him to walk me to my car. If someone could please tell me where I went wrong here, I would really appreciate the help.
I am not proud of what I did next but it was a completely natural reaction. Right after he asked to kiss me, I made a face. Like a “OMG that’s one horrible sunburn” face. Pure shock and horror was written all over my face. That should’ve said enough, right? WRONG. The guy doesn’t even wait for me to give a verbal response to his question! He just goes straight in for the kill so I quickly turn my head and he gets my cheek. I think he imagined our first kiss to be a bit sloppy because I got full on slobber on my cheek after that one. SO AWKWARDDDD! At this point I was really hoping he didn’t make a third attempt. I knew one thing: I definitely didn’t want to give him time to decide if he was going to try again.
I refused to make eye contact after such an awkward experience. I turned around, yelled, “Bye!”, and got into my car as quickly as possible. I think at this point the guy got the hint, thank goodness. I never heard from him again.
-Thanks for reading! Batgirl, out!